Every child wants to feel capable, valued, and loved. As parents, the words we use shape how our children see themselves — often more than we realise. Research from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child shows that children build confidence through secure relationships and consistent emotional support. And where better to offer that than around the dinner table?
At The Table Talk Project, we’ve seen again and again how family conversations create a safe space for children to express themselves, share their ideas, and feel validated. Here are three things you can start saying today to build your child’s confidence — especially while sharing a meal together.
1. “I love how you tried…”
Confidence grows when effort is recognised — not just outcomes. Instead of focusing on perfection (“You’re so smart”), praise persistence (“I love how you kept trying, even when it was hard”).
According to psychologist Dr Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset, children who are praised for effort develop resilience and a stronger sense of self-belief. So next time you’re at the table, ask:
“What’s something you tried this week that didn’t go as planned — and what did you learn from it?”
It’s a powerful way to show them that trying is more important than winning.
2. “I really value your opinion.”
Children gain confidence when their voice matters. When they’re invited to share their perspective — and you genuinely listen — it communicates that they are worthy of being heard.
During dinner, this could sound like:
“I’d love to know what you think about that,”
or
“That’s an interesting idea — tell me more.”
A University of Melbourne study (2021) found that children who feel their opinions are respected at home are more likely to show leadership and confidence in school and social settings. Family mealtimes are the perfect moment to practise this.
The Table Talk Project’s Back at the Table web app makes it easy, with conversation starters designed to get everyone sharing their thoughts — from “What’s something you’re proud of this week?” to “What’s a challenge you’ve overcome recently?”
3. “You make a difference in our family.”
Confidence also comes from belonging. When a child knows their presence and contribution matter, they build a sense of purpose that lasts a lifetime.
You might say this after they’ve helped with dinner or comforted a sibling:
“You really helped make tonight special,” or
“You bring such good energy to our table.”
Family researcher Dr Anne Fishel from the Harvard Family Dinner Project notes that regular shared meals improve children’s self-esteem, academic performance, and overall wellbeing — not because of the food, but because of the connection. When children feel like they belong, they flourish.
Bringing it All Together
You don’t need perfect parenting moments — just intentional ones. Every time you sit down for dinner and create space for real conversation, you’re quietly building your child’s self-worth.
So tonight, as you sit around the table, try saying:
“I love how you tried.”
“I value your opinion.”
“You make a difference.”
They’re small phrases that can build lifelong confidence – one meal, one conversation, one “pass the potatoes” at a time.
🍽️ Try our Back at the Table app for conversation starters that help families talk, listen, and grow closer — together.
If you want to have one of our team come and share with your organisation about how The Table Talk Project can support your families please get in touch at admin@thetabletalkproject.org
