As a parent, have you ever had the kind of conversation with your child that starts out small, maybe about a topic like cleaning their room, or what they saw online, and before you know it, you’re in a full-blown power struggle? You’re standing your ground, they’re standing theirs, and neither of you is moving.
And somewhere in the middle of it all, there’s a moment of clarity.
You realise: I can either fight to be right… or I can choose to preserve the relationship.
That moment? That’s a sacred parenting crossroad.
“Sometimes the greatest strength in parenting is knowing when to let go of being right.”
The Trap of Needing to Win
We live in a world that glorifies certainty. It praises confidence, strong opinions, and standing your ground. And while those things aren’t inherently bad, in the context of parenting, especially in conversations with growing kids who are trying to find their voice, they can create unnecessary walls.
Take this dinner table scene for example.
You’re halfway through spaghetti bolognese and your teenager says something like,
“I don’t think climate change is real, it’s just fear-mongering.”
You’re floored. You want to jump in with articles, stats, and passion. You know you’re right. You want to correct them.
But if you bulldoze their perspective, the conversation shuts down. They feel unseen. Defensive. And worse; they stop talking.
What could have been a moment of connection becomes another brick in the wall.
“The dinner table isn’t a courtroom, it’s a place of connection, not correction.”
The Deeper Opportunity
At The Table Talk Project, we encourage families to see the dinner table not just as a place to eat, but as a place to truly hear each other.
That doesn’t mean every opinion gets a free pass. But it does mean creating space where ideas can be explored safely, without fear of ridicule or dismissal. Where our children learn that it’s okay to question, to wonder, to be wrong, and so can we.
When we model curiosity over correction, we invite growth instead of shutdown.
Imagine responding to your teen with:
“That’s a big statement. I’m curious what’s making you think that?”
or
“Interesting take. Want to hear why I see it differently?”
Now you’re not opponents. You’re co-explorers.
“Curiosity keeps the door open, correction too soon slams it shut.”
It’s Not About Letting Go of Truth, It’s About Holding on to Connection
This isn’t about abandoning our values. It’s about making space for our children’s developing minds and hearts. It’s recognising that being heard is often more transformative than being corrected.
In fact, research from The Family Dinner Project shows that families who prioritise open-ended conversations and active listening at the table see increased self-esteem and emotional resilience in their children.
Let that sink in.
When your child feels safe to express, even when they’re wrong, they’re actually growing stronger.
So What Can We Do?
Here are a few actions you can take to shift from needing to be right, to choosing connection:
- Pause Before Reacting
Take a breath. Ask yourself: Am I reacting to be right or responding to connect? - Get Curious
Ask more questions than you give answers. Show your child that you’re interested in how they think, not just what they think. - Normalise Being Wrong
Own your mistakes. Say things like “I’ve changed my mind on that over time,” or “I didn’t know that when I was younger either.” - Set the Tone at the Table
Introduce The Table Talk Project’s conversation starters to create space for everyone’s voice, even when views differ. You can grab one of our free printable placemats or download a new topic from our E-news each week. - Choose the Relationship Over the Win
Ask yourself: What do I want them to remember, that I was right, or that they felt safe with me?
“You don’t lose authority when you let your child feel heard, you gain their trust.”
Final Thought
Being a parent doesn’t mean being the final word. It means being a steady presence. A guide. A safe place.
There are so many moments when being right feels urgent, but if we’re honest, it’s rarely the most important thing.
What if our kids remembered not how right we were, but how deeply we listened?
That’s the legacy of connection we’re building at the table.
Sign up to our E-news to get FREE conversation Starters and Recipes each week.
