Home » About » The Gift of Being Present: Why Connection Matters More Than Presents This Christmas
There is a moment many parents know well. The wrapping paper is everywhere, the photos are taken, the food is on, and yet something still feels rushed. You can be in the same room as the people you love most, and still feel like you are not really with them.
This Christmas, the most meaningful gift you can give your family is your presence.
Not perfection. Not a bigger budget. Not a better menu. Presence, the kind that says: I am here, and you matter to me.
Why presence matters more than presents
Over decades of research, regular shared meals are linked with a wide range of benefits for children and families, from emotional wellbeing to stronger relationships. Meals are not magic because of the food, they are powerful because they give us repeated, predictable moments of connection.
And at Christmas, rituals matter. Studies on holiday rituals suggest that even small, repeated traditions are associated with greater closeness and enjoyment.
So if you are wondering what to focus on this season, start here: fewer distractions, more small moments of attention.
Presence is not something you add to Christmas. It is what makes Christmas feel like Christmas.
The biggest thief of connection is not conflict, it is distraction
Many of us have felt it. A phone on the table. A quick check that becomes ten minutes. A conversation that never quite lands.
Research suggests that phones present during meals can reduce enjoyment and increase distraction, even when people are together.
This is not about shame. It is about being honest about what helps connection happen.
The goal is not a perfect “no screens” household. The goal is a few protected moments of real attention.
Five simple ways to give your family the gift of presence
You do not need a big plan. Pick one or two of these and try them this week.
1. Start with a two minute arrival
Before you jump into cooking, organising, or asking questions, try a two minute arrival. Breathe. Put the phone down. Make eye contact. Say hello like you mean it.
A simple line to use: “I am really glad I get to be with you tonight.”
2. Create a phone home for mealtimes
Choose one spot, a bench, a bowl, a shelf, and make it the phone home during meals. Not forever. Just long enough to protect the conversation.
If you need exceptions for work or emergencies, name them. That clarity builds trust.
3. Use one tiny ritual to anchor the day
Rituals do not need to be fancy. A tiny repeated tradition can do a lot of heavy lifting.
Try one:
Light a candle at the table
Everyone shares one “best moment” from the day
A short gratitude (religious or not)
A simple toast: “To being together”
4. Make the table about emotion, not evaluation
Christmas can accidentally become performance season. Behaviour, manners, photos, gratitude, chores, how people are acting.
If you want presence, aim for emotion before evaluation.
Swap this: “Why are you acting like that?” For this: “You seem a bit on edge today. Do you want to talk, or do you just need some space?”
5. Use Table Talk to make conversation easy
At The Table Talk Project, we keep it simple: Entree, Main, Dessert. One question at a time. Everyone gets a voice.
Here are Christmas-ready prompts you can use tonight.
Main:
What has felt heavy for you lately, even if you have not said it out loud?
When do you feel most loved in our family?
What is one thing you wish we understood better about you right now?
Dessert:
What is one thing you appreciate about someone at this table?
What is one hope you have for our family next year?
What is one small tradition we should keep or start?
The table does not need perfect food. It needs a safe tone, a curious question, and one person willing to listen.
If Christmas is complicated this year
For many families, Christmas is not just joyful. It can be stressful, expensive, grief-filled, or loaded with tension. Surveys regularly show the holiday season can heighten stress for lots of people, for many reasons.
If that is you, presence still counts. Maybe even more.
Try this gentle approach:
Lower the bar: “We are aiming for peaceful, not perfect.”
Name the feeling without blaming: “I am feeling stretched today.”
Offer a repair: “I am sorry I snapped. Can we restart?”
Protect one small moment: a ten minute walk, a cup of tea, a short table question.
Your simple challenge for this week
Pick one of these and do it once:
Phone home during one meal
One Entree question at the table
A two minute arrival when you walk in the door
One appreciation at Dessert
Small moments, repeated, become the story your family remembers.
