I grew up with dinner tables that have left a tightness in my chest. They were quiet, but not safe. “Sit down. Don’t speak. Eat your vegetables.” This was what I was told each night maybe not in words but certainly this is how the time was spent. I’m not proud of it, but early on I brought some of that into my own home. I am actually ashamed of this but it’s all I knew and maybe you did too. If that’s you, I see you, and we can choose differently now. I am so glad I did.
Calm isn’t about perfect behaviour or forced silence. Calm is safety. It is a table where every voice is welcome and nothing is off the table to talk about. No topic too big to discuss. The simplest way I know to build that is to Use the Back at the Table web app once a week and follow its menu. The Table Talk Project
What the app gives you (and why it calms)
- A short conversation menu to follow at dinner: Entree → Main → Dessert. (In the app, “Entree” is the food we prepare and eat.) You can use one of our recipes or choose your own.
- Conversation starters built in, no scrambling for ideas. Less cognitive load = calmer people. The Table Talk Project
- A check-in which is Dessert that asks, “Does everyone feel listened to and heard?”—you’re not guessing about connection; you’re practising it. The Table Talk Project
- Simple closure questions to end on safety, not stress: “What attitude are you leaving the table with?” and “Is there anything else you wish you shared?” The Table Talk Project
Keep reading for a step by step guide to how it all works.
Tonight: the calm-only plan (app steps only)
- Open Back at the Table and tap “It’s my first time” (or continue if you’ve been before). Follow the on-screen prompts. The Table Talk Project
- Tell the app who’s eating with you and what postcode, then (optional) pick a recipe it suggests so dinner decisions don’t steal your energy or choose your own recipe. The Table Talk Project
- Tap Open Conversation Starters (Main) and choose one. Keep it simple. You can go deep or keep it easy breezy (Passing is always okay.) The Table Talk Project
- When prompted, answer “Does everyone feel listened to and heard?” It trains the family culture you want. The Table Talk Project
- Close with the app’s two questions:
• “What attitude are you leaving the table with?”
• “Is there anything else you wish you shared?”
Then set a date for your next Table Time right there on the screen. Calm grows with consistency. The Table Talk Project
Golden rule: Make sure everyone has a voice at the table. When someone is speaking everyone needs to listen.
When the day’s been big
- If moods are wobbly: choose a lighter conversation starter, then skip straight to Dessert. The app still walks you through the check-in and closure so the night lands softly. The Table Talk Project
- If people are talking over each other: keep to one prompt and let the app structure do the work. (Passing is fine. Listening is the win.)
Here is A four-week calm challenge
- Week 1: Use the menu once. Don’t forget to tap SUBMIT at the end of Dessert
- Week 2: Repeat with a new starter.
- Week 3: Keep it to one prompt and no debates.
- Week 4: Same again, then book next month’s dates inside the Web app.
Small and steady. Calm is a culture you practise.
A personal word
I carried fear to the table as a kid, and for a while, I passed it on. That’s hard to admit. The first time we used Back at the Table, it wasn’t dramatic it wasn’t meant to be. It was just about coming together and connecting. It was just… safe. The second week, someone else led. The third, someone shared something hard and we didn’t fix it, we just listened. That’s calm. Not perfect. Safe. Our kids deserve memories like that and not what I grew up with. We can rewrite the story, one calm table at a time.
**A final word**
Look I get it life can be so crazy and everyone comes to the table with their stuff with them from the day. I am a parent and sometimes even what I am asking you to do doesn’t work as best as we would want. But that is ok. Its just about being together, bringing your stuff is ok as long as everyone gets a space to share in a respectful way.
I would love to know what are the greatest challenges you are facing right now around your dinner table?
