New Year arrives with the usual promises. More patience. Less screen time. Better routines. More presence.
And then life happens. Lunchboxes. Work deadlines. Sport. Exhaustion. The same old arguments about chores, tone, and who started it.
If you want this year to feel different, you might not need a new system. You might need one clear sentence.
A family saying is a short phrase your family repeats often, especially in the moments that matter. It is a reminder of who you are and how you want to treat each other. It is a small ritual with big impact.
This blog will help you create a family saying that fits your family, sounds like you, and actually gets used.
What is a family saying?
A family saying (sometimes called a family motto or family mantra) is a short line that captures your family’s values in everyday language.
It is not a framed quote that gathers dust. It is not something you say once and forget. It is a sentence you use in real life.
Think of it as a shared script that helps your family:
- stay connected when things get tense
- remember what matters when you are busy
- repair quickly after conflict
- build identity and belonging over time
Examples (to spark ideas)
- We speak with respect, even when we disagree
- In this family, everybody has a voice at the table
- Kind first, always
- We are a team
- Own it, fix it, learn from it
- Brave conversations make strong relationships
- We do hard things together
- Assume good intent
- We listen before we react
Your family saying should feel natural coming out of your mouth. If it feels cringe, it will not last.
Why a family saying matters
Most families do not struggle because they lack love. They struggle because they lack a shared way to return to love during stress.
A family saying gives you that return point.
1. It creates a clear family identity
Children are always asking, even if they never say it out loud: Who are we? What kind of family is this?
A family saying answers that question in a simple, repeated way. Over time, it becomes part of how children see themselves.
2. It reduces conflict and improves repair
In heated moments, brains go into survival mode. Logic drops. Tone rises. Everyone becomes the worst version of themselves.
A familiar phrase can act like a handrail. It does not solve everything, but it helps the family pause and pivot.
Instead of: “Stop it right now.”
You might say: “Remember, we speak with respect in this family.”
That one shift moves you from power struggle to shared agreement.
3. It supports behaviour without relying on shame
A family saying can hold boundaries without labelling a child as bad.
It is the difference between:
- “You are so rude.”
- “In our family, we speak with respect. Try again.”
The second approach protects dignity while still expecting change.
4. It gives children language for big feelings
Many kids do not need more advice. They need more words. A family saying becomes a simple phrase they can reach for when they are upset, embarrassed, jealous, or overwhelmed.
It becomes a form of emotional scaffolding.
5. It builds connection through repetition
Repetition is how culture forms. Families are shaped by what they do again and again.
A family saying is a tiny practice that strengthens connection because it keeps bringing you back to the same core message.
Why New Year is the perfect time to create one
New Year gives families a natural moment to reflect. You do not have to wait for a crisis.
It is an invitation to ask:
- What do we want more of this year?
- What do we want less of?
- How do we want to treat each other when it is hard?
A family saying turns those hopes into something practical.
You are not making resolutions. You are shaping culture.
How to create your family saying at the dinner table
This works best when it is simple and short. You can do it in 15 minutes over dinner.
Step 1: Start with one question
Ask everyone at the table:
“What do you want our family to be known for this year?”
If you have younger kids, offer prompts:
- “How do you want home to feel?”
- “What helps you feel safe here?”
- “When we argue, what helps us make it better?”
Write down the words people say. Literally. Use a phone note if needed.
Step 2: Choose one value, not five
Most families overcomplicate this.
Pick one main idea. For example:
- respect
- kindness
- honesty
- teamwork
- courage
- listening
- calm
If you try to include everything, you will remember nothing.
Step 3: Turn it into everyday language
The best family sayings sound like something you would say on a normal Tuesday.
Bad example (too abstract): “We embody integrity.”
Better example (clear and usable): “We tell the truth and we fix what we break.”
Aim for:
- 6 to 10 words if possible
- easy for a child to repeat
- positive and practical
Step 4: Make it yours
Add a small piece of your family’s story. That is what makes it stick.
For The Table Talk Project, one powerful option is:
“Everybody has a voice at the table.”
It is simple. It is relational. It sets a tone for listening and belonging.
Step 5: Decide when you will use it
A saying only works if it gets used.
Choose 2 to 3 moments:
- when someone is upset
- when there is conflict between siblings
- when someone needs courage (school, sport, friendships)
- when you are repairing after a blow-up
You might say: “This is our family saying. We will use it when it gets hard.”
How to make it stick all year
Here are a few practical ways to build the habit without making it a big deal:
- Put it on the fridge in simple handwriting
- Make it the first question of the week at dinner: “How did we live our saying today?”
- Use it in praise: “That was teamwork. We are a team.”
- Use it in repair: “We missed our saying then. Let’s try again.”
- Let kids catch you too: “Dad, that did not sound like respect.”
When children can use the saying with you, it becomes shared culture, not parental control.
Conversation starters for this week
Try one of these at dinner:
- “What do you want our family to be known for?”
- “When we fight, what helps us come back together?”
- “What should our home feel like?”
- “What is one word you want more of this year?”
- “If our family was a team, what would our team motto be?”
A simple reminder
You do not need a perfect family saying.
You need a true one.
The point is not to sound impressive. The point is to give your family a shared language for connection, especially when life is messy.
Pull quotes
- “A family saying is a handrail for the hard moments.”
- “Do not aim for perfect. Aim for usable.”
- “New Year is not just a reset of routines. It is a chance to shape family culture.”
Your New Year challenge and Call To Action
This week, create a family saying in one dinner. Write it down. Use it once a day.
If you want support, structure, and conversation prompts that make this easier, The Table Talk Project is built for that. Our tools help families create a rhythm of connection where everybody has a voice at the table.
Bring your family to the table this week. Start with one sentence. Let it shape your year.
Download our FREE resource for your family here.
