This is probably the most vulnerable that I have been in one of my blogs ever. I hope that you are ok with me talking about a topic that seldom gets talked about – Suicide. More specifically Youth Suicide. Recently the latest statistics around youth suicide were released by Australian Bureau of Statistics. It is alarming. Here are the facts:
In Australia in 2022
- 304 Australian young people (aged 18–24 years) took their own lives
- 77 deaths by suicide occurred among children and adolescents (aged 17 and below) with the majority occurring in those aged 15–17 (83.1%)
- deaths by suicide represented 30.9% of all deaths in young people aged 15–17 years and 32.4% of all deaths in those aged 18–24 years—up from 16.5% and 23.9% respectively of all deaths in these age groups in 2001.
What happens for you when you read these statistics? For me I am broken, literally broken, because everyone of those statistics represents a young person who has a family and in most cases could have been avoided. It represents a young person who had their whole life ahead of them.
If I was writing this 30 years ago I would be talking about my friend who died by suicide. She was this bubbly New Zealand girl who seemed to have the world at her feet. She was just thirteen when she died. If I was writing this 25 years ago I would be talking about the young man who died by suicide in front of me whilst I was working in Adelaide. And I could go on about more who I know. They are people and we must not forget that.
When I was starting out in suicide prevention and supporting young peoples wellbeing there was a particular line I read in a study it said: “When it comes to young people, most young people don’t actually want to die, they just want their day to end, or their problem to end”. After hearing this, I just can’t help but think about all of these young people that did complete suicide that – – maybe all they needed was a conversation, space to air their concerns or tell someone how they were feeling they just needed a loving person in their life to support them on their journey of hurt and pain.
Let me give you a scenario given the above information… A young person is being bullied at school (one of the motivations of youth suicide) and they come home to a loving family, with parents who listen and care about him. They notice he is down but give him a bit of space to come to them. Tonight is their Table Talk Project night where they get to sit down eat together, share conversation and make sure before they leave the table everyone is going alright. They sit down they eat their food (Entree), they have their conversation starters (Main) and all are involved and engaged even their son who is struggling and they get to the check in (Dessert) and everyone says they have felt listened to and heard and they are leaving the table pretty positive after the discussion. Then the mum says “and is there anything else anyone wished they shared?” Their son says “Well, yeh” The mum says “what is it?”. The son begins to share whats been going on at school with the bullying because he feels safe to share and be vulnerable as he knows everyone will listen and love him. After he pours out his heart, the parents console him and let him know that they will help and support him through this. He walks away feeling good that he’s spoken up, been supported and he feels everything might be alright.
Now… Lets imagine that this boy doesn’t have a loving home, their parents are distant and don’t seem to care. There is never any space to speak and he doesn’t trust them to listen or act. This bad day may turn to the last day that he lives as he thinks… Whats the point?
Now I know these are quite extreme examples but I believe that creating space for our children to speak about ANYTHING and knowing that they are supported and loved no matter what could SAVE THEIR LIFE one day. One of the best places to create that space is by utilising The Table Talk Project Menu over dinner a minimum of once per week. Some of you might be thinking, it is too late to create that environment now as we didn’t create it when they were young. Let me say to you, that is not true, it might take some more work and consistency but you can still work on the relationship with your kids through making space to have dinner with them at the table.
You might also be thinking where do I start? You can head to our page How do I talk to my kids? as we have some really helpful links to support you and your conversations. But its essentially these three things:
- Make time regularly to listen, to talk and just be with your children
- Remind them of your love for them by showing them your undivided attention
- Apologise when you need to – – if you feel you need to for anything
I believe nothing is ever fully broken with our children, if we are willing to make the time to repair it and we are patient and consistent in our approach.
I realise writing this that I am just a dad with a dream of building stronger connections with family. I am not some Psychologist or Family Therapist but I have read the research and I have worked with young people and their families for over 20 years. I have seen so much brokenness and hurt from young people who are struggling and the pain of families who have lost loved ones to suicide. I know there is a way we can keep our kids safe as far as it is with us. I believe coming together regularly around the dinner table, breakfast table or lunch table to have conversation and support one another is one of those ways.
So what do you do now:
- Talk with your partner and family about how you want to have a dinner once per week where you utilise The Table Talk Project Menu
- Make it an intentional non-distraction time
- Clear the diary and block out several weeks
- Set reminders cause we all get busy right
- Enjoy a new routine where you will build your relationship stronger
- Have fun with your family over dinner
- Don’t worry about chaos or if people are taking over the air waves, just educate and show them the importance of each person getting there voice heard
- START TONIGHT (If you can, other wise really soon this week)
If you need to talk with someone or you are concerned about your children or yourself in anyway please head to our website and click on: Get Support. There are wonderful services to help you.
You are probably used to it by now but thanks so much for allowing me to be vulnerable with you and to share another reason for my passion for The Table Talk Project.
I believe it can SAVE LIVES!
