Lately, I’ve had multiple conversations with parents who want to improve family connection by using The Table Talk Project tools. They’re excited about the idea of strengthening their relationships and having meaningful conversations at the dinner table.
But there’s a challenge. Their children don’t want to come to the table.
Some kids are glued to their devices. Others have grown accustomed to eating alone, feel overwhelmed by social interaction, or experience sensory issues. Some may even flat-out refuse because they’re stubborn or struggling with something deeper.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Many parents face this same issue.
So, how do you get your children to the table without resorting to punishments, bribes, or nagging? And how do you make it an enjoyable experience instead of a battle?
Here are research-backed strategies that can help.
1. Meet Your Children Where They Are
If the table feels like too big a step, don’t worry—you can start small. The table is an ideal space, but it’s really just a vehicle for meaningful family conversations. If sitting together at the table feels overwhelming, try these alternatives:
- Have a living room picnic on the floor.
- Sit with them in their room and share a snack.
- Eat outside on the porch or in the backyard.
The goal is connection, wherever that happens. Once they see that family time isn’t about enforcing rules but about spending time together, they’ll be more likely to join you at the table later.
2. Give Them Autonomy
Children crave autonomy and love feeling like they have a say in what’s happening. One powerful way to get them to the table is to give them control. You might say:
- “Tonight, you’re in charge. What should we eat? What conversation starter should we use? How should we check in with each other?”
- Take them to the supermarket and let them choose the ingredients (within a budget).
- Ask them to help set the table creatively. Maybe they add candles, music, or a fun theme.
When children feel empowered, they’re more likely to participate.
3. Start Small and Be Consistent
If family dinners aren’t currently part of your routine, start with just one meal per week. Keep it simple and set realistic expectations:
- Keep the first few meals light and fun.
- Use conversation starters like, “What’s the best thing that happened today?” or “If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”
- Keep the meal short—15 to 20 minutes is a win.
Over time, as your family gets more comfortable, you can increase the frequency and depth of your conversations.
4. Model the Behavior You Want to See
Children learn by watching us. If we want them to come to the table and be fully present, we need to model that behavior ourselves:
- Turn off the TV during mealtime.
- Put away your phone (except for using The Table Talk Project’s Back at the Table tool).
- Be present and engaged. Show them that this time matters to you.
When children see that you’re invested in family connection, they’ll be more likely to follow your lead.
5. Create a Positive, Safe Environment
For some children, resistance to the table may stem from past negative experiences. Maybe mealtimes have been stressful, full of arguments, or focused on criticism. If that’s the case, it’s important to rebuild trust by creating a safe, positive environment.
- Focus on positive interactions. Avoid heavy topics at first.
- Express gratitude and celebrate small wins.
- Let them know that their presence is valued, even if they show up reluctantly.
6. Flexibility Is Key
While the dinner table is an ideal place for connection, it’s not the only place. The key is to find what works for your family. Some alternatives to traditional mealtimes include:
- Sharing a snack together on the couch.
- Going for a family walk and talking along the way.
- Using car rides as an opportunity to check in with your kids.
The important thing is to create space for meaningful conversations, even if it doesn’t happen at the table right away.
7. This Isn’t a Pass/Fail Test
As parents, we already feel plenty of pressure to “get it right.” Using The Table Talk Project tools isn’t about passing or failing. It’s about creating moments of connection because you see the value in it for your family.
Every small step you take toward family connection is a success.
Final Thought: You’re Planting Seeds
Family connection doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and consistency. Even if your table feels empty now, every small effort you make is planting seeds for a stronger, more connected family in the future.
And remember, you’re not alone in this journey. The Table Talk Project is here to support you with tools, resources, and encouragement to make every conversation count.
Let’s create meaningful moments—one meal, one conversation, one step at a time.
