Never Disagree with Your Children: Finding Common Ground in Family Conversations
Imagine this: You ask a question at the dinner table, and the responses start rolling in. One child shares their opinion, and immediately another says, “I don’t agree.” You can probably picture the shift in mood—maybe the first speaker feels dismissed or even hurt, and now the conversation is heading toward an argument rather than an open discussion.
But what if we approached family discussions differently? What if, instead of disagreeing outright, we looked for common ground first? This principle, shared on The Diary of a CEO book and podcast, is a powerful way to foster healthier and more meaningful conversations, especially within our families.
How This Works in Practice
Let’s say you ask a question during your Table Talk Project discussion:
“What age do you think is appropriate for a child to walk home from school alone?”
Your children give a range of answers—perhaps some suggest ages much younger than you’d expect. You have two ways to respond:
- The typical response: “I don’t agree. You need to be at least 12 before that happens.”
- The common ground approach: “Those are interesting answers, and I’m surprised by some of these responses.”
If your child then asks, “So, how old do we need to be, Mum?” you could say:
“I understand that you feel like the age you shared is old enough. However, I see it a little differently. As your parent, my job is to keep you safe. While I trust that you might be confident enough to walk home at that age, I really think it needs to be a few years older to make sure you’re safe.”
Do you see the difference? Instead of dismissing their viewpoint, you acknowledge it, find a shared understanding (confidence and trust), and then gently introduce your perspective. This method encourages conversation rather than conflict and helps children feel heard and valued.
Why This Matters
A 2019 study by Old El Paso of 1000 families found that 7 in 10 families don’t sit down together to eat dinner every night in Australia, and among those that do, mealtime conversations often turn into arguments—frequently about politics or other divisive topics. If we can shift our approach to focus on agreement first, we can create a much more positive and constructive atmosphere at the table.
A Challenge for Your Next Table Talk Project Discussion
The next time you gather for a meal and start a Table Talk Project discussion, try this technique:
- Listen fully before responding.
- Find something in their perspective you can agree on.
- Gently share your thoughts without dismissing theirs.
This small shift can make a huge difference in the way your family communicates. Give it a go and let me know how it works for you! Reply to this blog or send me an email—I’d love to hear about your experience.
