
We might have been there—sitting at the dinner table, nodding along while someone talks, but not really hearing them. Maybe our mind is on work, or we’re distracted by our phone, or we’re just waiting for our turn to speak. And when that happens, something powerful is lost: the connection that only comes when we feel truly heard.
Listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding, valuing, and responding in a way that makes the other person feel seen. And in families, where relationships are built on trust and communication, how we listen can make all the difference.
So, how do we create an environment where we are fully present for each other? How do we teach our kids (and ourselves) to listen in a way that strengthens relationships?
1. Get Rid of Distractions
It’s no secret that distractions kill good conversations. Phones, TV, and even background noise can pull attention away from the person speaking. At The Table Talk Project, we encourage families to make the dinner table a distraction-free zone. That means putting devices away (other than the one using the ‘Back at the Table’ tool use to ask the questions. However these can be printed to), turning off notifications, and giving each other the gift of full attention.
A simple phrase like “I really want to hear you, so let me put this away first” sets the tone for deeper engagement. When we model this, our kids learn that listening means being present—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too.
2. Use Body Language That Says ‘I’m Listening’
Imagine sharing something important with someone who won’t meet your eyes, keeps looking at their watch, or crosses their arms. It sends a message: I’m not really here with you.
Body language plays a huge role in how we communicate. To show that you’re fully engaged:
- Make eye contact (without staring them down!)
- Turn your body toward them
- Lean in slightly to show interest
- Nod or use small verbal affirmations like “I see,” or “That makes sense”
These small shifts can transform a conversation, making the speaker feel valued and respected.
3. Paraphrase to Show Understanding
One of the most powerful ways to show someone you’re truly listening is to reflect back what they’ve said. This doesn’t mean repeating their words exactly—it’s about summarising and checking for understanding.
For example, if your child says, “I had a terrible day at school because no one played with me,” you might respond with:
“That sounds really tough. You felt left out today?”
Paraphrasing shows empathy and helps clear up any miscommunication. It also encourages deeper sharing because the speaker knows you’re truly engaged.
4. Resist the Urge to Jump In with Solutions
As parents, it’s natural to want to fix things when our kids (or partners) share a problem. But sometimes, they don’t need solutions—they just need to be heard.
Before offering advice, try asking: “Do you want me to help you figure this out, or do you just need me to listen?” More often than not, they’ll just want to feel understood before problem-solving together.
5. Encourage Everyone to Have a Voice
In many families, the loudest voices or strongest opinions tend to dominate conversations. But true listening means making space for everyone to be heard.
One way to do this is through structured conversation starters, like the ones we use in The Table Talk Project. Our ‘Back at the Table’ web app helps families engage in meaningful discussions where each person gets a turn to speak and be listened to without interruption.
Try using prompts like:
- “What was the best part of your day?”
- “What’s something that made you feel proud today?”
- “What’s one thing you wish people understood about you?”
These open-ended questions invite deeper sharing and remind every family member that their thoughts and experiences matter. It also leads to more meaningful conversations which can strengthen family bonds.
6. Listen with Curiosity, Not Judgment
Sometimes, we shut conversations down without realising it. If a child shares a difficult emotion, responding with “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “That’s not a big deal” teaches them that their feelings aren’t valid.
Instead, approach conversations with curiosity. Ask “Tell me more about that” or “What was that like for you?” These kinds of responses encourage more openness and trust.
The Heart of Listening
At its core, listening is about connection. It’s about making sure that, at least around the table, we put aside distractions, lean in, and create a space where everyone feels heard. When we do this consistently, we build trust, strengthen relationships, and help our kids grow into thoughtful, empathetic adults.
So next time you sit down for a meal, take a deep breath, put the phone away, and truly listen. Because every conversation at the table is an opportunity to show the people you love that they matter.