“All I get is a grunt or sometimes not even that.”
I hear this often from parents, said with a mix of frustration and sadness. It can feel disheartening when our once chatty children retreat into silence or monosyllables. But does it have to be that way? Could there be a way to not only get teenagers to communicate but to actually go deep in conversation?
I believe the answer is yes.
And I believe it’s a learned behaviour.
In our busy, fast-paced world, conversation can quickly become surface-level. But just like anything of value, deep conversation takes intention, time, and trust. And here’s the thing: our teens want to talk. They may not always know how or when but they are looking for moments where they feel safe enough to be seen, heard, and understood.
Here are three key things I’ve learned about how to open the door to deeper conversations with teenagers:
1. Be Available
You can’t plan when a meaningful moment will happen but you can be ready for it. That might mean being in the kitchen when they’re raiding the fridge or sitting nearby while they scroll or game. It means being interruptible. When they come to you, even if it’s in passing or at an inconvenient time, see it as a signal. Their small, seemingly insignificant comments are often their way of testing the water: “Are you available?”
2. Be Present
Being in the room isn’t the same as being with them. When they talk, no matter how small or silly it seems, lean in. Put your phone down. Turn toward them. Look them in the eyes. Show them that what they say matters. Presence doesn’t mean pressure it means warmth, interest, and being all there.
3. Listen Without Shutting Them Down
This one is tough. Because sometimes what they say might be uncomfortable, surprising, or even go against your values. But if the goal is connection not control then our job is to listen, not fix. When teens feel judged or dismissed, they shut down. But when they feel heard, they go deeper. Even a simple “Tell me more” can unlock something meaningful.
If we want to have healthy relationships with our teenagers, we need to create space for conversations, without agenda, without judgment, and without rushing.
We also have to accept that those conversations might not come at the most convenient times. They might show up late at night. Or in the car. Or when you’re already exhausted. But those are the moments we’ve been hoping for moments when our teens invite us in.
The other night, during one of our regular Table Talk Project dinners, my daughter, who was leading that night’s conversation, asked, “What’s the craziest dream you’ve ever had?”
That simple question opened up a whole new level of dialogue.
My teenagers and even my young adult started sharing some wild, vivid dreams, and before we knew it, we were talking about meanings, fears, hopes, and even unresolved emotions.
It was powerful.
But here’s the truth: that moment didn’t happen by accident. We’ve worked to make mealtimes a sacred space where nothing is off the table. Over time, we’ve shown our kids that these conversations matter. That they matter.
That’s the heart of The Table Talk Project: helping families intentionally make space for meaningful conversations, conversations that might not happen otherwise.
So, here’s your invitation:
Start by being available.
Practice being present.
And when they do speak, especially when it’s deep, listen with your whole heart.
Because connection isn’t just possible with teenagers.
It’s powerful.
And it’s waiting for us, right at the table.
👉 Ue the Back At the Table Tool to have meaningful conversations. Also explore our free resources to start creating intentional moments and have those important conversations with your teen today.
You never know what dream or truth, they might be waiting to share.
