Are you happy as a family? what about each individual family member? Do you have happy memories? When was the last time you had a happy moment? What do your kids remember as a happy memory?
This week for our Table Talk Project night my daughter chose the conversation starter “What is your happiest memory?” under the ‘Families with older children’ topic from the Back at the Table tool on the website. It really is a great question for us all to consider.
Last year after some pretty tough times we decided to go on a holiday to Queensland. Two weeks of fun, relaxation and building better relationships or so we thought. Our desire when we booked this holiday was motivated by recognising that our children are growing up and soon they may not want to go on a holiday with us and so we want to try and capture some good happy memories with them until… well its too late. Not to put a sad spin but it is kinda true right. 18 summers goes way to fast.
According to Kate and I we felt like the trip was ok, not great but ok. kind of a 7 out of 10 really. The theme parks were not as we expected, it wasn’t the lines although that was annoying, it wasn’t the crowds of people, it was that our children who desperately wanted to go didn’t go on anything except our dare devil middle son. It was literally the four of us waiting and watching our middle son go on rides and us just standing there. It was kinda boring at times. Each night we went out for meals which kate and I enjoyed but it was hard to find places that everyone liked. I’m going to stop now, but you get the picture. It wasn’t as Kate and I had expected.
Fast forward to our TTP night a few weeks ago and our daughter asks the question to each person “what is your happiest memory?”. Guess what they all said was the happiest memory. You guessed it… The Queensland trip. Every one of the kids said it was that trip that was their happiest. Isn’t that interesting? Kate and I did some probing about what it was about that trip. They told us that it was just the sitting around we did, chatting, swimming in the pool and eating food. It’s interesting that the least expensive part of the trip turned out to be where the happiest of memories were created for them.
The reality is, for us to create the memories we were truly craving we really didn’t need to go anywhere, we just had to sit down, give eachother full undivided attention and listen. Kinda like what The Table Talk Project provides the opportunity for. But as I wrote last week sometimes a change of scenery can create different conversations.
Happiness is like a recipe with many ingredients. Some of these ingredients come from our bodies, like special chemicals that make us feel good when we do things we enjoy. Other ingredients come from our minds, like how we think about the world and ourselves. And then there are the ingredients from our relationships and the people around us, which can make a big difference in how happy we feel. So, when we feel happy, it’s like all these different parts of ourselves and our lives are working together in just the right way.
When was the last time you truly felt happy with those in your family? Is it time to create some happy memories. If you asked them “what is your happiest memory?” Would you know exactly what they would say or do you think they would surprise you with their answer?
This week I want to encourage you to ask this question and really listen to the answer.
This week I want you to plan a time to create memories. This could be doing TTTP and it could be a trip away or a special evening. Remember though happiness is the wonderful chaotic combination of what is happening in our brain, what is happening in our life and who we are with.
Let me know in an email neil@thetabletalkproject.org what were some happy memories they shared? Better yet put it on the private TTTP Facebook Group which will encourage others in their family.
