In family life, plans can change in an instant. Flights get delayed, cars break down, and kids come down with chickenpox right before a long-awaited birthday party. These unexpected moments bring frustration, stress, and sometimes disappointment. But while our first instinct might be to push through and “move on,” taking the time to talk about these moments as a family can transform them from disruptions into valuable lessons. At The Table Talk Project, we believe that talking about life’s challenges helps families build stronger connections, better relationships, and better mental health, creating a space where everybody has a voice at the table.
Why Talking About “The Plan That Didn’t Happen” Matters
When things don’t go to plan, our natural reaction may be to brush it off or simply cope. However, research shows that when families talk openly about difficult experiences, they build resilience together. Studies have found that discussing challenges and disappointments together helps children feel secure, teaching them that they are supported, no matter what life throws their way. According to research published in the Journal of Family Communication, open family discussions allow children to better understand and process their emotions, helping them to adapt and feel more resilient in the face of change.
By having these conversations, parents can model for their children how to handle disappointment, empathise with one another, and even find silver linings. These conversations don’t just help families “move on” but instead create opportunities to support one another, grow closer, and understand the importance of adapting as a team.
Examples of When Things Don’t Go to Plan—and How Talking Can Help
Here are a few situations where family conversations could transform the experience from one of frustration to one of growth and resilience.
1. Flights Are Delayed—And Now You’re Waiting for Hours with the Kids
Instead of pushing through the frustration, gather the family to talk about it. Ask the kids how they feel about the delay and what they’d like to do to pass the time. Acknowledge everyone’s emotions, and then discuss ways to make the most of the time, like playing games, exploring the airport, or grabbing a treat together. By letting everyone share their feelings, you’re helping each person feel validated and heard.
2. The Car Breaks Down on Your First Day at a New Job
If the car decides to quit on the day you’re supposed to start a new job, the stress can feel overwhelming. After dropping the kids off at school, gather everyone around the dinner table that evening to share the day’s events. You might talk about how you handled the stress, what you learned about staying calm, and even some light-hearted moments that might have happened. Sharing your experience teaches kids that stressful situations are part of life, but they don’t define us. It also opens the door for them to talk about their own worries.
3. A Six-Year-Old’s Birthday Party—And Then, Chickenpox!
Imagine planning a birthday party down to every detail, only to have your child wake up with red spots all over their body. Talking openly as a family about this disappointment can turn an upsetting situation into a learning moment. Everyone can share their disappointment, and you might ask for ideas on how to make it up to the birthday child once they’re well. Through this conversation, your child will learn that it’s okay to be upset—and that as a family, you’ll work together to find a way to make them feel special.
4. Dad Gets Hurt in a Work Accident and Is in the Hospital
When a family member is unexpectedly hurt, the emotions can be intense for everyone. Rather than avoiding the difficult conversation, let the kids ask questions and express their fears. Together, discuss how you’ll all support each other during Dad’s recovery and what each person can do to help around the house. This conversation strengthens family bonds and teaches everyone that, even in tough times, they are never alone.
5. Moving Because the Landlord Is Selling the House
Having to move, especially on short notice, is disruptive for everyone. Instead of trying to mask your own stress, gather the family and discuss the feelings that come up around the move. Invite each family member to talk about what they’ll miss and what they’re excited about. Creating this safe space helps kids understand that they have a voice and that their feelings matter. It’s also a chance for the family to look forward to new possibilities together.
Practical Tips for Talking About Disappointments as a Family
When faced with unexpected changes, here’s how you can make family conversations supportive and productive:
- Acknowledge the Feelings: Give everyone time to share how they feel. Let each person talk about their disappointment, fear, or sadness without judgment.
- Share Your Own Experiences: Sharing your own frustrations or worries can make it easier for kids to feel comfortable opening up.
- Brainstorm Solutions Together: Discuss ways to make the best of the situation. Encourage everyone to offer ideas, showing that each family member’s voice matters.
- Look for the Silver Linings: While it’s important to validate negative feelings, discussing small positives (like extra family time in the airport or a chance to explore a new neighborhood) can help everyone shift perspective.
- Set a Positive Example: Model how to handle setbacks with patience and understanding. Kids learn by watching how parents respond, so take this opportunity to show calm resilience.
How The Table Talk Project Helps Families Grow Through Conversation
The Table Talk Project is designed to create a safe space for families to gather, share, and build stronger connections. We believe in giving everybody a voice at the table, which empowers families to openly discuss challenges, learn from each other’s experiences, and grow closer together. These conversations don’t just help families cope but allow them to learn valuable life skills like empathy, patience, and resilience. By working through the tough times, families build better relationships and stronger mental health, which in turn supports each family member’s well-being.
Studies show that when families communicate openly and support each other, children feel more secure and develop a sense of belonging. Family conversations give children the tools they need to handle future challenges, and these are skills that will stay with them for life.
Whether it’s in an airport, a hospital waiting room, or at the kitchen table, conversations about life’s disappointments teach us all to be more resilient, empathetic, and connected. So, the next time something doesn’t go to plan, try gathering the family and opening up a conversation. You might just find that those unplanned moments turn into some of the most meaningful memories.
