Today I had the opportunity to spend the afternoon with those who had attended a Mental Health First Aid Training course run by the Yarra Rangers Council this year. The whole day was focussed on keeping the conversation about Mental Health going. But why is it important?
Before we answer this question let me just say that mental health and mental illness are two different things. Here are the definitions:
Mental health refers to our overall psychological well-being, affecting how we think, feel, and act. It includes managing life’s stresses, building meaningful relationships, and maintaining productivity. Everyone has mental health, and it can change due to life experiences and external factors. Positive mental health involves finding balance and practicing self-care through activities like exercise, healthy relationships, and mindfulness.
Mental illness, however, encompasses a variety of diagnosable conditions such as depression, anxiety disorders, and schizophrenia. These disorders significantly impact daily life and require medical diagnosis and treatment, including therapy or medication. Unlike general mental health, mental illnesses disrupt normal functioning and need ongoing management.
So today I was able to lead the audience through an immersive experience of The Table Talk Project over a wonderful catered lunch. After lunch we extended the conversation to a workshop focussed on supporting those struggling in their mental health. The discussion was vibrant and engaging which was very special to be part of.
Off the back of this and through the many conversations I had with people who attended I felt that it was important to pen some thoughts of why talking about mental health and even suicide with your family is so important.
Robin Williams said once in an interview “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about… Be kind always”. This is not age specific. Even though as parents we think our children tell us everything, the truth is there are things going on for them that maybe they have not shared yet. This might be to do with their mental health. It is important that we give them the space and the safety to talk about anything that might be on their mind. As parents we need to not shut down our children talking to us especially if it is deep stuff like something that is going on in their mind.
Creating a safe space
How do you create a safe space for your children so they know they can talk to you about anything? Is there a physical place like the dinner table, a car ride, or a bench outside? For us it’s the dinner table, it is a safe space and everything is on the table no matter what they want to talk about. We have had deep conversations about mental health, depression, suicide, sex and a number of other conversations. The kids know we are there for them and they have a voice. We don’t get it right all the time but we do our best.
All conversations are important – be direct
When was the last time you asked your kids how their mental health is. Or that you talked about suicide with your children. When we were thinking about The Table Talk Project we did a survey of 90 families and we asked the question to them “do you talk about suicide with your children? and do you talk about mental health? We found that many parents talked about mental health but only a few parents were talking about suicide. The reasons they shared with us of why they don’t was:
- They don’t want to put that thought in their head
- It is too difficult to talk about it
When we got these comments it really broke my heart because there is a myth that people believe that talking about suicide plants a thought in our children’s head, but it simply isn’t true. Your children over the age of 12 or even younger have heard of suicide and maybe have even encountered a friend or family member who have suicided. Shocking to say but it is true. So if we project that we are not going to talk about it because it is too hard or for other reasons then we might miss a critical conversation with our children. Cause they might be suicidal and might not feel like they can talk to you about it. I am sure we don’t want that.
If we notice changes in our children such as being withdrawn, drastic personality changes, changes to mood and attitudes, out of character changes like behaviour etc it is important to be straight out and ask “are you thinking of ending your life?” From experience this is one of the hardest questions we can ever ask our children but again from experience this question could save their life.
Finishing up…
When we finish up the meal with our family and are using the Back at the table tool we created you will land on a screen that says desert.
This is the part of the conversation where you make sure that everyone feels listened to and heard and if there is anything else that they wish they shared now is the time. This is so important to create space for this questions so that our children can share whats on their heart. It may not be deep all the time but if it needs to be the space is there for them to speak.
Conversations about mental health and suicide are worth having. For many reasons and some of those above.
I would love you to drop me a line at neil@thetabletalkproject.org and let me know whether you have had the conversation about mental health and suicide with your children. Why did you do it? or why haven’t you done it yet? I would love to know.
Lets change the attitudes of this generation to talk about mental health and suicide that these are not taboo topics but indeed the most important. What better place to start, than at the dinner table tonight.
I really believe that The Table Talk Project can save lives, but as I witnessed today it is helpful to have a tool to get going with a conversation. Lets keep the conversation going!