Do you ever feel like a failure as a parent? I know I am getting real deep today. The times I feel like a failure most are when my kids come to me with questions, like sometimes really deep questions, and I can’t answer them. I either don’t have any knowledge on the subject, or I simply don’t know how to respond. There is a sense of vulnerability in that moment, and my kids see it. Because regardless of whether we think it or not, we are the live version of Google to them—for problems, pain points, and everything in between.
I often think back to when my children were young and there would be hundreds of questions daily like “hey dad, why is the sky blue?” Bam! I answered that on the spot, no problems. Or, dad “What’s that?” pointing to a tree, a house, or a letterbox, etc., and bam, I had those too. But as they are getting older, I don’t seem to be that “BAM” kind of dad. I don’t have all the answers for everything they are wrestling with.
Sometimes, as we sit down to do the Table Talk project, we have moved from our main conversation starter, and it’s branched into something else, another question they have. Honestly, sometimes I leave the table feeling defeated because I feel like I haven’t been able to help them with these big questions they are wrestling with. But, as a parent, is it our job to answer our children’s questions, or to be a little more philosophical than that maybe our job is to ask them, “What do you think?” It is certainly worth pondering.
In reflection, I kind of think that our job as parents is to create space for our children to be able to come to us and talk with us, to be open and transparent and present so they can ask those questions. I kind of think that it’s our job to wrestle with our children in their questioning and to discover together.
As you head to the Table Talk Project website, you will see a tab that says “The Library.” If you hover over that, you will see “Important Conversations.” If you click on that, you will see a whole pile of types of subjects for important conversations and links that go off from them to reputable pages of information. We put this tab in for parents so that if a subject came up at the table or any time that a parent didn’t know, they could head to this tab and see if there is more information, and you can explore with your child together. We don’t want parents to feel alone.
I guess what I am trying to say with all of this is that as a parent, we might be able to support our children by being there as they wrestle; we don’t need to always give the answer to their questions. It grows them more if we don’t always do that.
The Table Talk Project and creating that space at the dinner table lets your children know that this is a time they can ask some of those questions they are wrestling with (not that you are not available at other times); it’s just this is a time carved out. When we create those times and invite our children to speak in this safe environment, there can be some really beautiful moments. And hey! they might even get the answers to their questions. The Table Talk Project for the win!